As with my last post, here goes bad news: I put my dog down today. I'd had this dog for eleven years -- he's shaped so much of my life. The only reason I didn't commit suicide when I was 19/20 is because of Osiris. And when Jay and I used to fight, before we were married, we'd solve our problems while walking the dog. So he's saved both my life and my relationship. He was stinky and racist and unfriendly and didn't even like to be pet most of the time. But he was my baby and I love him very much.
I stayed with him during the first part, the sedation. I stayed alone with him hugging hm and crying and telling him how much I loved him. I made the vet take him away before I left the room so I didn't have to feel like I'd turned my back on him and just fucking left. And I keep seeing him sleeping in Jay's chair, curled into a little ball and huffing, like he always did.
I'm going to miss him.